Create Success By Finding and Letting Go Of Limiting Beliefs.

To create success, you need to be 100% congruent with what you’re going after.  This means your subconscious mind has to be in complete alignment with your goal.  I you have a project you need to complete, a job change your contemplating, or a goal, and you aren’t following through, you have a subconscious emotion or belief that’s holding you back.

create success 100%

Our subconscious mind is the driver.  

Our subconscious mind drives our decisions, our actions, and how we view the world. This isn’t a bad thing, unless the decisions your mind made as you were growing up don’t match what you want in your life.  When you discover what these decisions or views are, you can change them to be more supportive and positive for you.

To change your perspective, look at any past upsetting events, traumas, or negative role models you had as you went through your formative years.  These can be anything you viewed as challenging, upsetting, or traumatic.  

Our minds are extremely creative in how they piece together sections of experiences and then create a decision or belief to keep us safe.  It’s all done out of the instinct to survive.  What one person takes away from a situation can be completely different from what another person takes away.

create success unique views

We make decisions or beliefs out of our past encounters or even role models we witnessed in life. When you combine those with a  new experience, your mind comes up with it’s view of the situation.  It’s created by your own particular filter.

Create success by changing your filter

We create our life around us by what we belief – what our filter is telling us.  From the people we have in our lives, to the type of treatment we accept from clients, friends, even strangers. It’s all driven by our past experiences and what we learned early in life.
So if you want to create more success in  your life, not only in your career, but financially and in your relationships, you have to change your filter.  It’s simpler than you think.   
I help clients identify beliefs that keep them from achieving their goals by using EFT.  EFT, or The Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as “tapping”, is great at discovering and collapsing subconscious beliefs that sabotage success or happiness.  As you work with EFT,  look for beliefs that are no longer supporting your success and dismantle them. As you do, your life will change.  You’ll view circumstances, relationships, and opportunities differently.  As a result, you create the success you want by taking action and by making better decisions for yourself.

Be gentle with the process

What I’ve noticed is when you gently work on a problem and let it resolve in phases, rather than force the issue through all at once, it’s an easier and more thorough process.  The subconscious feel safe bringing up any additional issues or past events that felt traumatic or threatening when they originally happened.  Our subconscious mind is here to protect us.  When you allow what’s ready to be resolved come up as you work through the issues, you actually move through them more quickly than if you’d forced it.

Continue to motivate yourself by adding in the positive

An important component of change or growth is to stay inspired and motivated.  If it’s all about the negative, it can get old.  Why would you want to keep growing if it’s always about “What’s wrong“, or “What needs fixing?”  I’ve fallen into the trap myself by wanting to just reach the goal I’m heading for.  I’ve ended up only looking at what needs fixing instead of also looking at where I’m making progress, or where my life is going great.  When you do this, it ends up not being much fun.  When it’s all drudgery, we tend to avoid it.  Life is about the journey and all of the parts to that journey.  We need inspiration to keep moving forward.  By adding in the positive, you’re adding the inspiration.
Remember to look at what you appreciate in life -what’s going right for you. A way to let the positives sink in is to use tapping to tap them in as you think about them, or talk about them.  It’s a great way to anchor them.  Or  you can make a list.  At the end of the day, or even during lunch, write out what’s going right for you.  Or what you accomplished that day.  It helps keep the inspiration going.

If you feel stuck or at a plateau in your life, book a complimentary call.  We’ll discuss your 

goals and see if we’re a mutual fit. 

Contact Info:
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Celebrate Your Wins – Why It’s Important To Your Success

Working to improve anything or achieve success takes effort and commitment.  Lots of it.  To keep yourself motivated and continuing to put in the effort  needed to reach your goals, remember to celebrate your wins.  It makes a bigger difference than you know.  

celebrate your wins man

Why acknowledging your wins is important to your brain

Celebrating your wins programs your brain away from it’s natural tendency to “look for problems” in all situations.  We’re all programmed to survive.  This is what insures the overall survival of the  human race.  Because of this, our brains are programmed to look for “dangers”, or “what could go wrong in this situation?”  When you add in any past experiences where you felt like you made a mistake or failed, you add more “proof” to your brain that maybe you should be cautions or pull back from putting in 100% of your effort.  

There’s nothing wrong with discerning whether or not something is a risk.  It’s when we overdo it and it stalls our efforts where it becomes a problem. 

Celebrate your wins – the big ones and the small ones 

Celebrating doesn’t have to always be a big thing.  When you celebrate, it doesn’t have to be a party.  It just needs to be something where you slow down, feel what it’s like to have accomplished something, and take it all in.  Really let the experience of “winning” sink in.  You can add something small like taking yourself for a mid-day break for coffee or dessert.  Or even just a walk through the park.  Anything that signifies to you, “I did a great job there and I’m rewarding myself for it”   

All of your accomplishments are important to notice and celebrate in some way.  This builds on your enthusiasm and bumps up your motivation.

Easy ways to celebrate

Take some time to just sit and experience how great it feels to have succeeded at a task or small step towards your goal.  Give yourself even 3 minutes to do this.  It takes only 20 seconds of feeling a positive emotion for the neural-pathways in your brain to begin to rewire in beneficial ways.

Tell a supportive friend about it.  Sharing it with people who want the best for you adds to your feeling of accomplishment.

Write it down in a journal.  By writing about it, you’re reliving it and it imprints the feeling of success and accomplishment into your mind and your body.  The more you do this, the more inspired you feel to keep going. 

By having these feelings, these “rewards”, your brain starts to associate effort with pleasure.  You’re overwriting your brain’s tendency to feel threatened in giving it your all.  If you happen to have an underlying fear of failure, which many people do, anything that feels difficult to achieve, (or has any potential for failure,) is viewed by the brain as a threat.  The brain then sets up blocks to you following through on actions or decisions that would keep you moving in a forward direction towards your goal.  
When you add rewards or mini celebrations in as you achieve positive steps along the way, you’re showing the brain that it’s not only safe to keep working towards your goal, but it’s also pleasurable. You’re reprogramming your brain to accept challenges as merely effort without it having to look for reasons not to do it.  Use your brain to assist you, rather than get in the way.  

Life is busy – sometimes we don’t have time to celebrate

celebrate your wins busy woman

Life is busy.  Take the time anyway.  It’s well worth the payoff.  If you don’t take the time, even just a few moments to recognize what you’ve done well, you’re sending a signal to your brain to always be on the lookout for “what’s wrong“. You’re repeatedly telling your brain to discount the feelings of joy.   You’re “practicing” something that doesn’t support your success. By doing so, you rob yourself of the satisfaction and confidence you gain through your accomplishments.
When you celebrate your wins, It isn’t a waste of time.  It’s one of the best things you can do to insure your success.

For those of you who use EFT, or tapping, tapping on your wins adds an extra layer of oomph to the result.

If you’re ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call to discuss your goals and see if we’re a mutual fit.

Contact Info:
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Success. What Really Blocks It.

Success is a process.  A process of making a commitment and then consistently following through.  So what really blocks it?

success what blocks it
What blocks your success are the beliefs you formed as you grew up.  These are known as “limiting beliefs” because they limit how you view the world. Your strongest beliefs were formed when you were between the ages of birth and 7 years old.   These beliefs were developed when your brain was still in the phase known as the development of the primitive brain.  Because of this, they are the strongest and most intense beliefs you have.  The primitive part of the brain is responsible for our survival.  Because of this, whatever beliefs you formed during that phase represent survival.  This means if something feels threatening or challenging, it can feel as if it threatens your very survival.  If any of your beliefs are in opposition to what you want in life, they stop you from easily achieving success. Your need to survive or protect yourself against threats will cause you to sabotage your own success.

Your habits didn’t happen overnight

Who you are, your habits and your beliefs didn’t happen overnight. They were formed as you went through life and had different experiences.  Sometimes, you’ll remember an experience you haven’t thought about for years.  But you find it’s actually influencing the decisions you make today.  Even something as simple as being much younger than your siblings and not being able to keep up with them can make a lasting impression on you as you not being “good enough”.  Our minds are creative and can come up with very different beliefs or decisions.  Many times these decisions are nothing like what our adult brain would decide.

Keep in mind you that while you can make big changes in a short amount of time,  be patient. Sometimes there are many layers to an issue or belief that need to be looked at and let go of.  

To create real and lasting change work consistently

If you want real and lasting change, it takes consistency.  A commitment to change and the consistency of looking at the habits and beliefs that don’t support your success.  You have to look at the events and people in your life who affected how you view the world.  Your beliefs about past emotional events is what blocks your success.  Commit to working through these events in a consistent manner and your life will change. 

It doesn’t have to be a painful process

Taking a look at events or interactions that formed your beliefs doesn’t have to be painful or drawn out.  With the development of EFT, the Emotional Freedom Technique,  you can quickly access the memories and change how you view them.  Once you have a different outlook on them, you change how they affect you and your future actions.
The more change you want, the more you need to look at the many layers of what you’ve lived through.  We tend to repeat the same patterns of interaction over and over again.  Once we have a certain belief, we somehow recreate it in our life in different situations, but with the same result. 
As an example, if you had a controlling mother, you’ll find you have relationships in your life with controlling people – usually a woman.  These can be friends, lovers, teachers or co-workers. When your brain equates a controlling woman with either love, or “women in power”, it becomes your “normal” version of women.  We then accept this type of behavior in our lives.  Because our mothers were the first woman in a powerful position in our lives, our view of “women in power” is formed by this.  When you realize, that if she didn’t care for us or feed us, we’d die.  It’s the basic law of survival.  Because of this though, it becomes an issue of “survival” and has a much stronger hold on your reactions.
When you get to the point of saying, “I’ve had enough of controlling people/women in my life“, then you’re ready to look at why you have these types of people in your life and how to change it.

success layers

Work on the layers gradually

You don’t have to re-experience an event or past interaction with the same intensity as the original situation in order to release the hold it has on you.  Your subconscious mind knows exactly what you’re working on.  It’s there to keep you safe. It you start pushing yourself to look at very intense memories before you feel comfortable doing it, you won’t get very far.  And you certainly won’t be willing to do it very often.

Instead, realize that the thoughts, feelings, and memories that you’re able to deal with or look at will come up when you’re ready to examine them.  This doesn’t mean you should avoid them.  What it means is to gently move through them in the timing that’s right for you.  You might find you’ll get to all of the layers in one sitting.  Or it might take several attempts or weeks even  for all of it to dissolve. That’s ok. Because your own inner guidance knows exactly what’s ready and what’s not.  Trust this. What you’ll find is that by honoring where you’re at and dealing with each memory or situation in the easiest way, you’ll move through them much quicker.  Not only will you be more willing to deal with them, but you’ll actually find you’re making bigger changes in your life than you’d imagined possible.
Each time you release a memory and re-frame it so it no longer has an emotional hold on you, you step more and more into a more positive way of viewing not only yourself, but also life in general.  You’ll feel immediate relief.  Consistency is key.  Keep working on all of your limiting beliefs so you can create the life you want and deserve. 

success what blocks it don't give up

In my next article, Celebrate Your Wins – Big & Small, I’ll go over the importance of building in mini-celebrations to keep you motivated and moving forward.

If you’re ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss your goals.  You an ask any questions you have and we’ll see if we’re a mutual fit. 

Contact Info:
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Are You Holding Yourself Back by Focusing on What Could Go Wrong?

You have a project, a dream, goal, or desire.  Somehow though,  you just aren’t taking action.  Maybe you’ve convinced yourself it’s impossible before you even had the chance to evaluate it. Or you keep meaning to follow through, but somehow you procrastinate and don’t do it.   Ask yourself where your focus is.  Are you focusing on what could go wrong?  Are the pitfalls, “worst case scenarios”, or the possibility of failure the things you’re focusing on?  Or are you looking at what the upside could be?

what could go wrong rain

We’re wired to look for the negatives as a way to survive

Our “caveman” brain is wired to survive – to look out for all the dangers that could destroy us.  Because of this, our focus tends to be on “What could go wrong?  Where’s the danger in this?“, rather than “This could be awesome!”  

Caveman thinking worked for us then – It doesn’t work now. 

Looking out for dangers or disasters was probably a good idea way back in caveman times.  Everyday was filled with real dangers, from freezing to death or being eaten by a dinosaur or saber tooth tiger.  
But we no longer live under those circumstances.  Unfortunately, the evolution of our brains and bodies takes longer to catch up.  Because of this we still possess the natural instinct to focus on the negatives. 

Examine your fears and doubts

Rather than just say, “Oh, I could never do this because…..” and then walk away from something you might want or like to do, examine exactly why you feel this way.  What are your fears?  What’s the worst thing that could happen if you did this?  Once you know what these reasons are, look at what lies beneath these beliefs.  

Do they remind you of something that happened in the past that didn’t turn out well? Are they something you saw or heard from your parents?  Were you told certain messages from your parents that cause you to believe you have to be careful or can’t accomplish what you want to go after?

Underneath most reasons or doubts that stop us from taking action, is a fear, incident, trauma, or message from our past.  We learned to avoid similar situations at all costs – even if the situation could lead to success.  
When you gain an understanding of what’s behind your reluctance to act, you realize it’s usually done in an effort to protect yourself.  Now you have a choice.

You can choose to change your focus

Once you see what’s causing your reluctance, you have a choice.  You can either keep telling yourself not to do something because your main focus is on what could go wrong, or you can take steps to turn that around.  When you deal with the underlying beliefs, fears, or traumas, you get rid of what blocks your ability to take action.  

I use EFT, or tapping, to release any blocks that come up.  It’s an extremely effective technique that identifies and releases any fears, doubts, or emotional traumas that get in the way of positive focus or  action.  

Make the upside bigger than the downside.

As you begin letting go of the doubts you’ve had, start to let yourself get excited about what the upside could be.  Really imagine what it would look like or feel like to achieve your dream or goal.  When the upside becomes bigger than the downside, you’re naturally inspired to keep going and follow through.

If you’re ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call.  We can discuss our goals.  You an ask any questions you have and we’ll see if we’re a mutual fit. 

Contact Info:
(805) 265-9063
Santa Fe, NM

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You’re Not a Victim – You Always Have a Choice

Do you feel as if life is happening to you as if you have no control?  Or do you approach life with curiosity?  There are two ways to approach life.  As a victim or as a student.  You’re not a victim.  You have a choice.  Many times people don’t realize they’re looking at life from the standpoint of a victim. But if you feel you have no control over your reactions or your life, then you aren’t viewing your life from “the student”.  What can I learn here?  Where do I have input or control?

you not a victim you have a choice

Steve Chandler, the world renowned success coach refers to it as being either a “victim” or an “owner”.  In his book, Reinventing Yourself – How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be, he outlines how changing your perspective changes your life.

Most of us weren’t taught we had a choice in life.  Life just happened and we had to accept the consequences.  Granted, there are things in our lives that happen over which we have no control.
But we do have control of how we react to them.  This is the difference between the two approaches.

We Learn by Example and What We Were Taught by our Parents

If you believe there’s nothing you can do about it and you fall into the feeling of giving up or even despair, you’ve stepped into the role of the victim.  This is not meant to place judgment in anyway on how someone approaches life.  This is to inform you that you actually have a choice.

I understand the victim mentality very well.  I had it for years.  I actually didn’t start out that way, but through a series of big disappointments, I began to give up on believing I could accomplish what I set my mind on. Because the example of my mother and father was one of “Well, that’s life.  You can’t do anything about it“, I adopted their patterns on viewing and responding to life.  However, somehow I knew there had to be a better way.

Through years of learning and studying, I realized I had a choice.  The choice was whether or not I allowed the circumstances or events in my life to determine the quality of my life.  I could give up and fall into sadness, or I could use what was happening to teach me something about myself and what direction I should be moving in.

This is Not About Blame – Blame is Not the Same As Responsibility

Sometimes when people hear they have a choice, they start to blame themselves for how their life is going.  Instead, look at what you can learn from each situation.  What are the lessons?  “How can I take responsibility for my life, or my decisions and move through this?”  We’re all doing the best we can.  We make choices, we make mistakes and we have the choice to learn from these mistakes.  If you aren’t making mistakes, you’re playing it safe.  Take chances, make choices and then learn from them – the good ones and the bad. 

You Always Have a Choice

You always have a choice in how you react, or act.  You might say, “Well, if someone had a gun to your head, you wouldn’t have a choice“.  Actually, yes you do.  You might not like all the choices, but you do have a choice.  You could fight the gunman for the gun.  You could hand over your money.  Or you could try to escape.  Right there you have 3 choices.  Not all great choices, but still choices.

It’s up to you to decide how you want to react

When something happens that’s challenging, or even devastating, you’re now presented with how you’ll react.

  • Do you crumble?  
  • Do you give in to depression?  
  • Do you let your anger or frustration at the situation be the fuel that moves you forward into action?
  • Are you able to view it with curiosity as in, “I wonder why this is happening and what it can teach me?

All of these are choices.  When you can step back from the situation and take some of the emotional charge out of it, you’re able to decide which approach serves you in a better way.  If you do, you step into the role of the student.  The place where you view the situation with curiosity as to where it will take you or what you can learn from it. 

How to Let Go of the Emotional Charge

When you’re faced with something upsetting, there are real emotions that come up for you.  One of the best things you can do for yourself, is to acknowledge how you feel.  Not always easy and not always what we want to do, but it’s the quickest way to move them through and out.  It’s also the quickest way to resolving the issue.

I use EFT for my clients to help them work through intense emotions.  By doing this, it takes the intensity out of the emotion.  This way they can make rational, informed decisions about what approach they’re going to take.  This gives my clients the power of their creativity, and their logical mind to make decisions.  When you take the emotional charge out of anything, you’re no longer held hostage by your emotions.

When the emotional charge is gone, you make a decision that best suits your needs.  You can evaluate how you’ll approach any situation with a calm mind.  This puts you in charge of the actions you’ll take.  You’ve become “the student” rather than “the victim”.

We have more choices and input into our lives than we’re taught to believe.  I hope you’ll start to view life from one of empowerment as in, “I have a choice.  Let me look at what those choices are“.  You’ll be surprised at just how much you can affect the outcome of your life.

If you want clarity on releasing blocks to success or your well-being, schedule a 20-minute complimentary call.  We’ll discuss your goals & questions and see if we’re a mutual fit.

Contact Info:
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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The Power of Vulnerability

When someone mentions vulnerability, the last thing most people think of is power.  Most people equate it to being weak.  But in fact, we have it all wrong.  The power of vulnerability is how it brings us to life.

power of vulnerability

Brene Brown gave a great Ted talk about vulnerability and how it’s actually powerful, not weak as many people believe.  Brene studies human connection and vulnerability.  Her book, Daring Greatly – How the Power of Vulnerability Transforms the Way We  Live, Parent, Love, and Lead, shows how the willingness to explore vulnerability will change your life.

Life Can Be Challenging – The Last Thing We Want is to Feel Weak

Life can be challenging.  And most times it involves another person who’s adding to, or causing the challenge.  So we go through life deciding we really don’t want to feel that kind of discomfort or pain ever again.  We don’t want to appear weak and we certainly don’t want to feel those emotions again. Each time you go through something painful or difficult, the tendency is to shut down just a little more.  We close off our hearts and we put on a happy face.  We do this to survive.  We’re trying to protect ourselves.  But when you close down, not only do you shut out the “bad stuff”, you also close off to the good.

We’re all trying to survive and doing the best that we can. But if you close down or put up barriers to who you really are and and how you feel, you lose the ability to love deeply – to really connect with another person.  And isn’t love and connection what we all want in life?  

Love equals acceptance – to be accepted and loved for who we really are – quirks and all.  In an attempt to be accepted, you put up a facade, you’re robbing yourself and the people around you of what makes you truly unique.  It’s the uniqueness of each person that makes them lovable and interesting.

How the Power of Vulnerability Can Change Your Life

Being vulnerable allows you to experience your emotions.  Because you’re in touch with how you really feel about what’s happening in your life, and what drives you, you come alive.  While it can be scary to think about doing, once you do, the rewards of living greatly and experiencing life in a deeper way far outweigh the fear.

I hope you’ll explore what being vulnerable means to you and how it can enhance the quality of your life.  If you want to watch Brene Brown’s Ted talk on vulnerability, click on the link below:

When you’re ready to explore letting go of barriers you have to truly feeling alive, book a complimentary call.  I’m happy to answer any questions you have and see if we’re a good fit.

Contact Info:

(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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