Steve Chandler, the world renowned success coach refers to it as being either a “victim” or an “owner”. In his book, Reinventing Yourself – How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be, he outlines how changing your perspective changes your life.
Most of us weren’t taught we had a choice in life. Life just happened and we had to accept the consequences. Granted, there are things in our lives that happen over which we have no control.
But we do have control of how we react to them. This is the difference between the two approaches.
We Learn by Example and What We Were Taught by our Parents
If you believe there’s nothing you can do about it and you fall into the feeling of giving up or even despair, you’ve stepped into the role of the victim. This is not meant to place judgment in anyway on how someone approaches life. This is to inform you that you actually have a choice.
I understand the victim mentality very well. I had it for years. I actually didn’t start out that way, but through a series of big disappointments, I began to give up on believing I could accomplish what I set my mind on. Because the example of my mother and father was one of “Well, that’s life. You can’t do anything about it“, I adopted their patterns on viewing and responding to life. However, somehow I knew there had to be a better way.
Through years of learning and studying, I realized I had a choice. The choice was whether or not I allowed the circumstances or events in my life to determine the quality of my life. I could give up and fall into sadness, or I could use what was happening to teach me something about myself and what direction I should be moving in.
This is Not About Blame – Blame is Not the Same As Responsibility
You Always Have a Choice
You always have a choice in how you react, or act. You might say, “Well, if someone had a gun to your head, you wouldn’t have a choice“. Actually, yes you do. You might not like all the choices, but you do have a choice. You could fight the gunman for the gun. You could hand over your money. Or you could try to escape. Right there you have 3 choices. Not all great choices, but still choices.
It’s up to you to decide how you want to react
When something happens that’s challenging, or even devastating, you’re now presented with how you’ll react.
- Do you crumble?
- Do you give in to depression?
- Do you let your anger or frustration at the situation be the fuel that moves you forward into action?
- Are you able to view it with curiosity as in, “I wonder why this is happening and what it can teach me?
All of these are choices. When you can step back from the situation and take some of the emotional charge out of it, you’re able to decide which approach serves you in a better way. If you do, you step into the role of the student. The place where you view the situation with curiosity as to where it will take you or what you can learn from it.
How to Let Go of the Emotional Charge
When you’re faced with something upsetting, there are real emotions that come up for you. One of the best things you can do for yourself, is to acknowledge how you feel. Not always easy and not always what we want to do, but it’s the quickest way to move them through and out. It’s also the quickest way to resolving the issue.
I use EFT for my clients to help them work through intense emotions. By doing this, it takes the intensity out of the emotion. This way they can make rational, informed decisions about what approach they’re going to take. This gives my clients the power of their creativity, and their logical mind to make decisions. When you take the emotional charge out of anything, you’re no longer held hostage by your emotions.
When the emotional charge is gone, you make a decision that best suits your needs. You can evaluate how you’ll approach any situation with a calm mind. This puts you in charge of the actions you’ll take. You’ve become “the student” rather than “the victim”.
We have more choices and input into our lives than we’re taught to believe. I hope you’ll start to view life from one of empowerment as in, “I have a choice. Let me look at what those choices are“. You’ll be surprised at just how much you can affect the outcome of your life.
If you want clarity on releasing blocks to success or your well-being, schedule a 20-minute complimentary call. We’ll discuss your goals & questions and see if we’re a mutual fit.
Santa Barbara, CA 93101